etrange77
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Sun, Jun 12, 2011 15:08:11
| found out about boyfriends cum in shoe fetish |
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Hi
I found out about my boyfriends shoe fetish by accident. I just want to understand it more. Any help? He is really reluctant to talk about it and i worry it could affect our relationship in the future.
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asdf174
Premium Member
Posts: 546 |
Sun, Jun 12, 2011 17:24:58 |
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Welcome to the site. You're in the right place. Lots of people that can talk about it here. Lots of different onions floating around here. Ask away any thing you want to know in particular? I know you said you just want to understand it. It can be difficult to explain because I think overall reasons behind it varies from guy to guy. (Shoe fetish is actually a vast realm as you can tell by the categories on this site) With me I always thought shoes where sexy and loved seeing them on women and it kind of just took off from there LOL. But I hope we can help you understand the fetish better so you don't have to worry about it affecting your relationship as much.
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tapshoesrule
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Sun, Jun 12, 2011 17:26:07
| don't try to understand it |
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the best thing to do is except it and move on, and the reason why he doesn't want to talk about it, is because he's embarrassed, and doesn't think you'll except him now.
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asdf174
Premium Member
Posts: 546 |
Sun, Jun 12, 2011 17:28:27 |
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and I agree with tap shoe. He's just really embarrassed and doesn't know what you think about him now. Honestly what are your feelings about it?
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etrange77
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Sun, Jun 12, 2011 22:08:23 |
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oh guys thank you so much for your responses. its a complicated issue with us that has been swept under the rug for a while now. i initially found by coming across some pictures on his computer by accident. i was totally shocked and confronted him about it. i had never heard of shoe fetishes before, in this way. plus it was at work and that bothered me. i agree he is embarassed, he also felt it was HIS secret and now i had discovered it he felt unhappy. Does that make sense? the week that followed was awkward and i remember try to bring it up because i wanted to 'talk' about it as you naturally do. He was very dismissive and it put him in a bad mood. he gave me his word he wouldnt do it again (which is what i wanted at the time) and then i progressed to asking him if i could 'join in'. He said he would never do it again but i always wondered. I thought i knew him. 2 years on we are still very happy together but sometimes if something about a show fetish were to come on tv there would (i feel) be this big pink elephant looming in the room. I also worry that he might do something too risky and it could put our relationship in jeopardy. i just feel uncomfortable being Soooooo on the outside. I'm very open and like to talk about things but this is one issue that has stumped me!!! Thank u guys x
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asdf174
Premium Member
Posts: 546 |
Sun, Jun 12, 2011 22:22:13 |
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Well I understand your situation. It was shocking for you to find out and the issue was never really resolved so it's always going to be in your mind somewhere. Two years on you said and you are still happy with each other so I think that is great so it must not have become that big of issue. Did he turn you down when you asked if you could join in? If so I think that's weird. Though I think that was very kind of you to be willing to even experiment with the idea. Could just be a further sign of his uncomfortableness with the subject though. Was you wanting to join in because you was just interested? Or was you just trying to please that aspect? Sorry I'm not trying to get to personal I'm just trying to get a full feel of the situation and what he may be thinking. But my overall thinking is that he got caught and quit because he was embarrassed probably don't have anything to worry however about unless you start finding white residue in your shoes.:) don't know how strong his fetish is though. I've come across plenty of guys that really just can't help it and it's who they are. Are you still worried he's doing it?
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etrange77
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Sun, Jun 12, 2011 22:34:55 |
no thats good ask away! well i offered to ease the situation. I did initially feel dirty seeing the pics and was disgusted but the more i looked at them i did feel a bit turned on. ive just never been that sexually adventurous before. yeah we are in a good happy relationship and i expect we will be together for years to come because were a great match. I think when i spoke to him about joining in i think he said maybe in the future but not now. the whole thing was that its a risk and he could get caught. the fact that i knew destroyed the fun of all of it so in a way im that bad guy and why would he want to do that with me?
Is it unrealistic to think i will get to the bottom of this issue? Initially as i said i was so confused, i thought he was cheating on me because the colleague was a mutual friend and she didnt know and now i did and i wondered if there was ever an attraction to her that he never explained. he said there wasnt and it was like pay back because she was so crap at her job and made his life harder. but she had mountains of shoes by her desk.
Anyway! getting off topic. I believe its about the shoes and not the girl. He never speaks to her now anyway. I was also shocked because i thought he was taking such a stupid risk at work and could be caught and lose his job.
I'd say this would have happened over 6 months ago now. I have searched the net for answers and finally found this site.
I also made an effort to buy more heels after i found out and i wear heels more often but he never makes a comment. Again probably too embarassed. Sometimes i feel im not sexy enough. Im not bad looking but maybe not what he wants. Im worried one day he will see some sexy bitch in heels and go for it and that will be the end of us! I find it hard to trust him fully in that way... but at the same time I snooped on his computer and thats how i found the pics. This was after he alwasy told me he had nothing to hide but that detail has been forgotten.
Sorry if i have completely rambled but thought you might be able to make more sense of this. Thank u!
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etrange77
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Sun, Jun 12, 2011 22:37:01 |
also i dont think he is doing it anymore because that worker has left (with her shoes on tow)...
and the joining in was to please him more than my natural interest as the situation was forced upon me...
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etrange77
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Sun, Jun 12, 2011 22:41:15 |
and finally: I feel i have made so many efforts to put my needs aside and be kind and consider his wants but no good seems to have come from it. Why oh Why! I tried and tried but he has pushed me away in this area. And yes it was kind of me to offer to join in. that took a lot of courage!
Please dont just view my threads, make a comment...!
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asdf174
Premium Member
Posts: 546 |
Sun, Jun 12, 2011 23:16:42 |
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Yes and for me a women that is willing to do that is a big turn on so thats why I find it strange.Try not to see it as being about you it's not it's about him. It's not that you're not sexy or anything or he wouldn't have sexy with you at all. And I get the feeling you don't have to worry about him cheating on you. He probably didn't view shoe fucks as cheating because guys have a tendency to separate and not relate things. Well for a lot of guys that does this sort of thing the sneaky shoe stuff at work I've noticed part of the sexual thrill for them is the risk. And that could have been one of the drawing points for him. And with a willing loving partner that risk isn't their so the thrill isn't there that could be one thing. I was going to suggest that you try to surprise him on his bday with a shoe job. Or maybe just take a dom approach and tie him to a bed and give him a forced kind of thing just to make him realize that you want to share this part of his life to and doesn't need to be embarrassed as a guy I think thats really hot when your partner goes out of her way for you. But the fact he has turned you down so many times..... to me that's weird. I don't know though. I'm not the worlds best expert at love to say the least lol.
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jolly1974
Premium Member
Posts: 30 |
Mon, Jun 13, 2011 01:35:36
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Etrange, glad you've asked! I see you pretty much going into this with a very good perception of what's going on. I agree to anything that has been said here before. My suggestion is, don't talk that much about it, other then a step-by-step approach by '... is that ok?...' One day in might not, the next week again, and finally he will get more open... because that's what it's about, indeed: It's him, not you.
Maybe I give in some of my experiences to give you another perspective. I'm into my fetish since way back. My wife knows "it", but isn't keen enough about it to go any further. On the one hand I would love it to see her keen on "my fetish", on "me".
On the other hand I love to sneak and observe anything about shoes and women's feet. From time to time even my wife plays with her feet and shoes, i.e. while standing in the kitchen or talking on the phone. I can not imagine if she whould know what she is actually doing, while turning me on. You see, that an imaginatory thing. That's not that I wouldn't love to see it happen. It's just that I'm intimidated whether she would be alienated, and where this would go. And that's because I'm friegtened that our relationship might be afflicted in a way I don't want it to go, because I actually do seperate my "lust" and my "love".
Again, I'm glad you've asked you questions in here. Keep it going. Please just give me a ping privately, becaus I'm not very much into this forum thing and may miss your feature approaches.
Two ideas left by now: Maybe post some of the pics he probably likes into your profile, so you might attract the right guys to open their hearts to your cause. So let's play around with this fetish, make some "advertisements" for your questions and move on here while your spouse maybe needs some more years to open up to the completely new situation to have this wired thing shared with another living entity, because that's not what it's about in the first place. But I guess it's wonderfull, if achieved. Just be patient. And please be inconspicuous in any way. That's my try on it.
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billy101
Member
Posts: 6 |
Mon, Jun 13, 2011 05:23:57 |
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hey, i have had a foot/shoe fetish for a long time now and i was very embaressed when my now ex girlfriend found out. most of the fun was that she didn't know. but after a while she started putting on heels before we went to "bed" and used them and here feet on me. she started of slowly the first few times to make sure i was ok with it. after a few weeks she just turned round and said that at first she was scared and shocked but once she thought about it, it was no different from any other type of fetish so gave it a go. she ended up loving it after a month got very into it. if anything tis strnghtend our relationship and made "our time" more fun. i would just start of slow and see how he reacts. maybe wear a pair of nice heels when u next go out, then when u get home just lie back on the safa and put ur feet/heels on his lap. if u do it naturally enough he wont think ur doing to please him and u should see him... well u know the rest. maybe if u have something that turns u on alot confinde this in him aswell, or "let him find out" :). hope it helps
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etrange77
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Mon, Jun 13, 2011 06:57:12 |
guys thank you so much for your input. this has really helped me see his point of view much better. and I think the non-talkign approach is much better than trying to pick it apart and analyse it. The talking didn't work for me in the past. I think i will put some heels on in the bedroom and see if he thinks that's ok...
Do you tihnk it would be a turn on if i asked him to come in my shoes and then offered to put them on? Maybe one step at a time... Just thinking about all of this has made me want to get into it.
Oh btw i cant private message because i only have a limited account ;-) Np pics either...
I really like the honesty of everyone. My intial reaction to finding out about my bfs shoe fetish was shock and disgust. but i think it is so great that there is a way for people to come together and talk about these things. It's so important and i think i would have gone crazy otherwise and probably broken it off with him or else made him feel guilty for what he'd done.
You all seem like pretty sane people which is comforting... ! lol
Anyway i will let you know how i go... Any suggestions for me? I agree wearing heels and putting them on his lap is a good idea but i dont go around in the house in heels unless it's the weekend and i'm going out. What else could i do that GENTLY eases him into the idea without being too forceful... I dont think taking him by supripse is the best idea at this stage.
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jolly1974
Premium Member
Posts: 30 |
Mon, Jun 13, 2011 11:45:34 |
Please take a closer look on the rules page and upgrade page for getting comfortable with this website. There are definitely some impression in here you can carry with you.
http://www.hotshoeshots.com/home/
register.html
http://www.hotshoeshots.com/home/pages/
get_more.html
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billy101
Member
Posts: 6 |
Mon, Jun 13, 2011 18:32:24 |
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just take it slow and make it look as though ur not doing it on purpose. a few foot massages would also be a good way for you to start things off. after a long hard day ask him to rub ur feet then tell him how good it feels. he might take it to the next step from there.
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sluttyheels
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Mon, Jun 13, 2011 19:55:15
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i sent you a private message but now see that you cant view it so i was going to post here but after reading the comments above i have rethough it a bit, taking it slow is a MUST, women love to talk things out, men dont... they like a more visual turn on... are you sure it is heels he is into? do you know what kind? some guys are very specific... also the feet on the lap is an excellent idea especially if you are watching porn together... have you thought of getting some shoe related porn? not necessarily hard core shoe stuff straight off... maybe someone here could suggest something? just dont be too full on, you have to gain his trust he has kept this secret to himself for a very long time, and it will take time for him to share it... my advice at the moment is take it very slow and dont get too carried away with all you see here because not all men have the same heel fetish, it is all very individual. good luck
SH x
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etrange77
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Thu, Jun 16, 2011 05:25:35 |
Hi guys, me again.
I have been thinking the past few days about what everyone has said. I just have this feeling that I am playing to his needs, but what about mine? I have researched and thought long and hard about how to best deal with this whilst creating the smallest amount of upset possible. I just wonder that if I go along with it all and offer to wear heels int he bedroom etc that it will be unclear whether I accept this behaviour outside of our bedroom.
I don't want to be standing at the alter in a few year (if that were to happen) wondering if there is anything more to those skeletons in his closet and whether i did the right thing by being passive about it.
Thoughts?
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etrange77
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Thu, Jun 16, 2011 06:12:17
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hey guys i cant message you as i have a limited profile... sorry... please post in forum.
Btw i havent said anything to my bf at the moment.
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hypnobyheels
Hero Member
Posts: 10 |
Thu, Jun 16, 2011 13:36:52 |
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if you plan on spending the rest of your life with this person, I know it's a cliche....but why don't you try to be honest with him. Just ask. He may be too scared to tell you because he thinks it will scare you off. And you never know....you might just like it!
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sluttyheels
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Thu, Jun 16, 2011 19:42:44 |
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you are starting to feel a bit resentful by the sounds of it, from your point of view you are going to all this trouble finding out about his fetish, trouble he doesnt actually know about... and u see it as pandering to his needs, this confuses me as i thought you wanted to share in his needs ... nothing is going to happen over night and talking about it even though you are dying to do this may just make him clam up totally... i wonder what your needs are that you feel may be over shadowed by this new side to the man you love? if you just relax and go with the flow and not make such a big thing out of it, he will eventually tell you all by himself. as i said before its a big secret he has been keeping... all to himself... maybe u could find a way of introducing him to this site where there are members who could help him to share... if he wants to.
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etrange77
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Sat, Jun 18, 2011 09:47:23 |
dear SH,
Thank you for your response. It was honest and youre right about me going to all this effort (without him knowing) and pandering to his needs. I was feeling anxious when I wrote it. I def do need to relax about it. Im going to take some time out to let things be as I think ive done more research than necessary. For some reason it just kept niggling and the more i searched the more eager I wanted to be to open up the issue. But as everyone has said, it takes time.
Thank so much x
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etrange77
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Sat, Jun 18, 2011 14:54:42
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*me seeing it as pandering to his needs.
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sluttyheels
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Sun, Jun 19, 2011 14:28:30
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i am sure you will sort things out, it takes time to learn all there is to know about anyone in a relationship, if this is the worst you find out then you are a lucky girl :-) enjoy him for who he is and show he can trust you and you wont go far wrong, good luck xx try not to get carried away with the technicalities of it all
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